MY LIFE WITH CEREBRAL PALSY (I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE IT)
My life
with
CP
A research paper by
-private-
-(:(:(:-
© copyright 2026-STILL PRIVATE-
All rights reserved*
*Not actually legally copyrighted. Don’t tell anyone, guys.
Proudly created by
—–’s Creative OfficeTM
Introduction
This is supposed to be educational. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
If you don’t like educational things:
Read this!!! #It’snot actuallyveryedu
If you DO like education:
Go eat a textbook.
Point being, this is a research paper about CP (AKA it’s a piece of paper about a condition. So fun!)
THIS BOOK IS…
™, ©, ***-protected.
Thought you should know.
My Life with CPTM
© 2026
-STILL PRIVATE, GUYS-
All rights reserved
[Contains no legal copyright material]
Imagine, if you will, a kid with short black hair, glasses, and super thin legs-probably from never being used. Got that image in your brain? Good. I’m going to tell you something. This is me.
My name is -Guitarist Bob-, and I have a type of CP that affects the lower half of my body. I can’t walk, can’t run, can’t ride a bike. It’s pretty frustrating.
I can control the upper half of my body pretty well-I can talk,pick up things, and even write and type pretty well-I’m the one who typed this. I can also feed myself pretty well. My favorite foods include ice cream and crab rangoon, but I like plenty of other things as well. I do need help going to the bathroom. It’s the matter of getting myself on the toilet. I’ll stop there.
There are some benefits, though. I’m WICKED creative, I know a decent bit about automobiles-I love them-, and I’m practically a natural at writing stories-like I said, I’m super creative. I can even play guitar okay-thank goodness-thanks to the help of a special strap and some supports on my legs. These straps and braces help support the guitar so it doesn’t fall off my lap and shatter into a million pieces on the floor. As I said, my legs are basically noodles with toes.
I have physical therapy sessions every week- they don’t do much, but my parents insist they “help your leg muscles get strong”. Give me a break-my legs are still just floppy, useless noodles. In my physical therapy sessions, we work on trying to move my legs-or at least flex them. Not much luck there. We also try standing up. Again, nada. As I said, the sessions don’t do much. My physical therapist is really nice, though. She has a bowl of candy in her office, and she always lets me take three pieces. She says I’m her favorite student, but I think she says that to all of her patients. Still, it’s a nice gesture.
I have a lot of doctors who take care of me-20, to be exact-but I can recite all my doctors’ names from memory. Some help us further investigate my diagnosis, some send out prescriptions, some just help suggest equipment to make my life easier. Some are nice. Some are busy. One keeps a bowl of snickers bars in her office. They all try to make my life easier-and I personally think they do a decent job. So do my parents.
School is also tough, but with the help of a few ramps, I can wheel myself anywhere in the building. Going to the bathroom is also a struggle, but we’ve figured out a pretty good system. I can get to my classes without much trouble, but if I have to go to the basement, I have to go outside and around, since the stairs have no hope of fitting a wheelchair, and there’s no room for a ramp. Still, I’m usually on time, and I have very supportive friends.
Getting in (and out of) bed is actually pretty simple-one of my parents lifts me in and out, and even though my legs are kaput, I can roll myself over with my arms.
The biggest challenge in my life is going places. A lot of buildings have stairs, and a fair bit of them don’t have wheelchair ramps. If this is the case, one of my parents will lift me up, then heave my wheelchair up as well. If we go to public places, we usually use my manual wheelchair to save some hassle.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to drive, but I’ve heard of cars that are modified so that people without legs can drive them. I just think they’re too expensive. Still, it’s nice to know they exist.
My parents give chores funny names to try and make them less tedious for me. If I have to take a shower (a complicated process), they’ll say something like “-Guitarist Bob-, it’s time to showwy-wowwy!” If I have to do homework, it’s “-Guitarist Bob-, it’s time to do homy-worky!” And for just about every other chore they’ll say “-Guitarist Bob-, it’s time to do the thing you have to dooda!” Now, what’s “dooda”? I have absolutely no idea, so don’t ask me. parents are still parents…
Speaking of showering, it’s tedious when you can’t stand up by yourself. One of my parents has to undress me, turn on the water, and then lift me onto a special bench with straps-to keep me from falling off. Then they lather me up with soap-it usually gets in my eyes, which I hate-, rinse me off, rub me with a towel, and put my clothes back on. It’s even worse than it sounds.
Since I’m in a wheelchair, our house is a maze of wheelchair ramps, lifts, dismount systems, and many, many straps. It’s a little difficult to navigate, but they help me get around.
Getting back to my condition,I can’t even move my legs an inch-it’s like all my leg muscles got removed. I don’t have much feeling in them either-somebody could stab a red-hot katana into my knee, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. It’s like the nerves in my legs got removed, too.
My legs sometimes thrash out on their own-I understand that’s pretty normal for people with CP-but it’s not too bad; they usually just twitch a few times.
Going out to restaurants is always a struggle-even if they have a wheelchair ramp or lift, the table is often too low, and the waiters usually get nervous when they see me-which I get, but it never feels good. The food usually is, though.
Well, that covers most of my life-but before you go, I have one last piece of advice for you: If you see someone with CP, go up to them and say hi…
After all, our bodies may be limited, but our minds are not.
Thank you.
THe
end
…
Now go ride a bike or eat some ice cream
WAIT!!! BEFORE YOU GO…
-My name is actually -Guitarist Bob- [well, that’s my alias].
-I do not have CP.
-I am kind of creative and know a decent bit about vehicles.
-My parents (THANKFULLY) don’t use ridiculous names to get me to do stuff.
-Two of my favorite foods are, in fact, ice cream and crab rangoon.
-I do, in fact, have short black hair and glasses.
-I did, in fact, type this myself.