NOTES & IDEAS

Left to fend

October 30, 2026

Chapter 1

Every story needs a starter.I, however, need a FIRE starter. Why? Well, I should probably explain…

It all started in 2013-not too long ago, but-well, anyway, I was out for a walk in Winton Woods, and you can probably guess what happened next. Yup, I got lost.

Now, I THOUGHT I was only going to be gone for 3 hours, but I had packed a tarp, knife, some flint and steel, and a rope-just in case.

But it was only when I got lost that I realized I had forgotten something VERY important.

I had forgotten the food.

I was originally going to pack some granola or trailmix, but I forgot-and that was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I was sooooooo hungry! I could’ve eaten a Nature Valley oats’n’honey bar-and I HATE those!

Point being, I was desperate. So I did what I do best in a crisis like that…

I broke down and started crying like a baby.

I know, I know-it’s immature and unhelpful, but hey-cut me some slack here-I just got lost in the woods without any food or water! I can barely tie my own shoes, and I currently have to fend for myself! I’m terrible in pressure situations! I’m-

Okay, enough with the examples.

Point being, my situation was not good.

I tried:

Building a shelter-the whole thing collapsed in about 2 seconds

Burning out a tree, but instead burnt my eyebrows off

Eating some dirt. It didn’t fill me up, and I’m pretty sure I gave myself food poisoning.

So, there was only one more option:

I ran.

This turned out to be a mistake, because I’m pretty sure I ended up MORE lost than when I started.

I sat down on a log, and-I’m not making this up-I heard A VOICE.

“Wot yew dewin’, si’’in on moi home loi’ that?”

The voice was coming from-I kid you not-a squirrel.

“Sorrysorrysorry!”-me.

The squirrel began LITERALLY SCREAMING at me, and don’t even ASK me how it knew curse words.

Eventually, the squirrel stopped yelling to catch its breath. I took that opportunity to say:

“I”MREALLYSORRYIMEANTNOHARNI”LLHELPYOUFINDANEWHOMEJUSTDON”TBITEMEEEEEE!

To my surprise, the squirrel nodded, hopped up onto my leg, and introduced itself.

“Moi nayme ihs Ferb”, said the squirrel.

“My name is Phi-” The squirrel put up a tiny paw to shush me.

“W’o haz toime fer intwaduckthenz thaeze dayz? Imma cow yuh ‘oof’”.

“O-okay”, I stuttered.

The squirrel climbed stately down, and inspected the damage to his home.

“Yew’re uh heafy wonne, Oof-me home’s totaled!” Exclaimed Ferb. I replied with, “I HAVE been eating 3 bags of potato chips a day lately…”

@#$

We searched for a new home for Ferb, and found a surprisingly large tree. We quickly set to work.

We hollowed out enough space for:

3 hot tubs, 7 saunas, 2 jacuzzis, 5 bathrooms, 3 kitchens, 7 larders, 179 short hallways, 29 impossibly long hallways, 35 closets, 45 vending machines, 20 drink machines, 39 froyo machines, 20 secret passages, 1 lobby (to greet guests), 3 relaxation rooms, 5 elevators, 10 flights of stairs, a large amount of room for Ferb’s business (selling pinecones), one meeting hall, 3 restaurants, 2 money-free arcades with pinball machines, 2 45 squirrel-inch plasma LED extreme TVs, 5 “squirrel-down” dance floors, and 367 air ducts.

We also added lots of pipes, A/C units, and furnaces, and we didn’t forget to add plumbing, windows, support pillars, lights, or wiring.

We also added the following just for fun:n

3 GIGANTIC bay windows, 4 satellite dishes, 27 moving walkways, and a MASSIVE garage for all of Ferb’s vehicles.

In turn, Ferb taught me his “power-all” formula (crush leaves and bark with lime juice), how to make a squirrel-sized car that runs, and and how to make flour out of acorns.

And that was only the first day…

Chapter 2

We quickly hollowed out another tree for me-but mine was just a little crawl space-enough to see me through about one night.

I slept pretty well, but woke up at 3:06A.M, due to some loud beeping. 10 seconds later, one of the bay windows opened, and Ferb yelled his apology. Then, I heard a click, and the beeping stopped.

I woke up again at 6:09 A.M, because I heard more beeping and some loud thumping. This turned out to be Ferb playing video games.

At 7:00 A.M, Ferb actually made me a hazelnut decaf the size of a pea. It was tiny but absolutely marvelous.

And THEN, I asked Ferb if he wanted to be friends, and HE ACTUALLY SAID YES!!!!!!!

Later, as we were getting into bed, Ferb poked his head out one of his windows, and told me why he could talk and had such a strange accent.

He had originally been a test subject for an experiment of creating a formula that could allow animals to talk. It started off really well, but then, one of the scientists added too much Hybro-Cortia Fluxoid to the mixture, which caused the animals to end up with goofy accents.

Ferb had been so embarrassed, that he escaped the lab and ran away to the woods-and had been living there ever since.

$#@

Later the next day, me and Ferb were walking through the woods, when we hit JACKPOT.

An old pickup truck with a camping trailer was parked between two trees, up to its wheel rims in mud.

We managed to get the truck + trailer out of mud…but then, the truck’s engine coughed once, twice-then sputtered out.

Luckily, Ferb had a can of his “power-all” formula, which was just enough to power the truck back to Ferb’s tree, where we added more fuel.

And there we had it.

My new home.

Chapter 3:

We fixed up the various broken control arms, door handles, and lights of the truck, then sat down to a meal of wild berries and crushed nuts.

Later that night, I lay on some soft moss-

But I couldn’t sleep.

I was trying to decide if I wanted to keep living in the woods, or go back to my old life, back in Cincinnati. Ferb had directions out of the woods, but I didn’t know if I wanted them.

But before I could decide, my eyes closed, and I fell asleephu;arwwQ%RQTA%EG#^

Chapter 4

Sorry, I was trying to spice things up a little. I did a pretty good job, don’t you think? I’m really proud, and-

Wait.

I just spoiled the magic, didn’t I?

Oops.

Chapter 5:

Two days later, me and Ferb were enjoying lunch, when we noticed that the sky had been suffocated by thick gray clouds.

Suddenly, a giant clap of thunder shook the forest. Ferb jumped straight up a nearby tree, realized he was a victim to lightning up there, and quickly scampered back down. I jumped into my tree, and prayed to the gods. I also ate a slice of leftover apple pie (large thunderstorms make me hungry. High-speed collisions, football, and cats make me hungry-a.k.a. basically everything makes me hungry).

The storm only grew worse. Branches were flying, lightning was flashing, and the wind was whipping so violently that I thought it would literally blow my pants off.

Then, disaster struck.

ONE TEENY spark grazed a tree limb, and the whole tree erupted in flames.

The fire spread fast. It missed my trailer and Ferb’s tree, but flambeed everything else. Soon, we were surrounded by a wall of heat and orange light.

We fell asleep to the sound of crackling flames.

Chapter 6

When we woke up, the storm was still going strong. Lightning and fire were all around us, and thunder cracked every few seconds.

Ferb did some calculations, and realized that the meeting hall in his tree could JUST barely fit me, so I moved in with him.

The fire had been fully extinguished, but now it was raining. HARD.

However, inside Ferb’s tree, we were cozy, warm, happy, and safe from the raging storm outside-and when Ferb made us a huge latte to share, it only got better-and more caffeinated (hahaha).

Later, even though it was still pouring rain, Ferb drove into town and bought a box of granola bars-JUST FOR ME!!! (I think he could see that I couldn’t live on one pea a day much longer).

I was still trying to decide whether I wanted to go back home, or keep living in the woods-

And then I had my answer.

But before I could go tell Ferb, a giant bolt of lightning split the whole tree clean in two.

Chapter 7

I landed on the ground, and I think I cracked my tailbone.

I lay there for a few seconds, paralyzed with pain and fear. After a few seconds, I found the energy to get up and move around.

Suddenly, I heard Ferb squeak in surprise, then a crash, then a squeak of pain, and then nothing.

No more squeaks.

No more thumps.

Just silence.

“Ferb! Ferrrb!” I yelled over and over, but got nothing in reply.

I looked everywhere for my little squirrel friend-

And then I found him.

He was lying in a pile of dirt and exploded squirrel-size armchairs-hurt, but very much alive.

He groaned and rolled over. “Wot…Who…Whoy…”. I gently shushed him, picked him up…

And ran like heck for my truck.

CHAPTER 8

I knew I had to get Ferb to the vet ASAP. So, I made him a nice little bed of stuffing and dirt, and piled both of us into my truck.

I drove at breakneck speed around trees, other cars, and angry pedestrians until I arrived at the vet’s office. I picked up Ferb, and rushed inside.

The veterinarian examined him carefully, then concluded that his leg was badly broken and his skull had been cracked-but he would live. She then gave Ferb some painkilling medication and a tiny splint. She told me Ferb would have to stay with the vet staff while he recovered, but he should be home in 4 weeks.

I thanked the vet, said goodbye to Ferb, and got in my truck. I was back in the woods five minutes later. I got out, and took a walk through the trees.

As I walked, I noticed the faint scent of scorched wood, the feel of the foggy air on my face…

And I, Phineas III knew in my heart…

Everything was going to be okay.

the end 4 now…